To my future wife, if I ever meet you.
How are you? How has life been on you? I may not really know who you are at this time, maybe I must’ve met you already, maybe not.
But I want you to know that I’ve been thinking about you, and how I have dreamed of all these made-up memories we could have, and how I have continued to fight all this time to make sure that you will be my first and last. It has involved a couple of heartbreaks, days where I wept to sleep, and a lot of times I’ve had to let go for the better.
Am I good enough? Am I someone whom you’d be proud of? Am I just too weird for you?
Or will I ever know who you are? I know, I’m young, I have a lot of time… but for a long time now, the desires of my heart seem to be fading away already, and already making plans for another route in life.
Through-out the years I’ve prayed for you, ever since the Good Lord has shown me what He has done in the love stories of others, I was shown hope that perhaps, you are out there somewhere, waiting to be found by me – believing that there is someone for everyone after all.
But through-out the last couple of years, I began thinking that… maybe, maybe I was never meant to meet you. Maybe you wouldn’t like me because of my obscured quirks, me being too old-fashioned and consistently out-of-place in a fast-paced society… maybe what the Lord has shown me years ago was a miracle to display His sovereignty, but I probably misinterpreted it as Him promising me that my time will come too. I am sorry.
Maybe you were never meant to be mine, as I am quoting from a friend. Maybe you were never meant to be mine, but I will take refuge in the thought that you will always be God’s. Maybe you were never meant to be cherished by me, but I will take refuge knowing that God will forever love you and take care of you. Maybe you were never meant to be mine, but I can live in peace knowing that I took joy in saving all of my first-to-be memories of what would’ve been shared with you.
But alas, there is still this small tinker of hope, and I have not given up on you. I know God is good, and God is faithful, and I know He allowed my heart to desire to meet you someday. The desire of my heart at the moment may seem like it’s dying-out, and I’ve already made plans of an alternate life of singleness, loafing through the world, and glorifying God through my work, but then again, the Lord said, that a good wife comes from Him. Maybe, my desires may die-out now, but maybe you’ll be the one to awaken it one day, my God’s best.
Maybe I might have found you already, or maybe you’re still just out there somewhere still waiting to be found. And if I have finally found you, I promise to take care of your heart, our future family, our home. I will lay down my heart in full for you. I promise to guide your relationship with the Lord and build a Godly household together.
I don’t care about your past, I will understand your struggles… if the past haunts you, I will love you until your pieces come back together.
And I would gladly, give all of my firsts to you, because I know that you are someone who is worth more than all the hardships and tears I went through to save myself for you.
I love you.