God, I Do Not Understand

Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. -Psalm 55:22 NIV

I WORRIED

I had this attitude of being so panicky when I am struck with worry, be it about my papers, deadlines, professors, people, …papers, and etc. These past few weeks I felt that my mind’s been so clouded; I have so many responsibilities and deadlines, I wonder if I can still keep up. (A nap sounded like a very good idea …at that time.)

It was Wednesday (November 27), and it was already getting dark, and I cut left my MMBIZ2 class early because I just had no strength to stay any longer, and a lot of deadlines were clogging my mind. (UHHHH sir said that we can go since he knows we have papers to deal with. HAHAHAHA.)

But of course, I was hungry, (*Sigh* Typical Ced.) and I was wondering if I could grab a quick bowl of miso soup at a Japanese restaurant nearby and, since I still had time to commute later before rush hour.

As I was walking, I bumped into one of my church friends whom I haven’t seen in a while, and she said that she was going to Ortigas to meet and talk to this married couple who are very, very good friends of mine.

In the past, whenever I had questions and problems about lovelife the matters of the heart (Patay tayo diyan.), I would always talk to this married couple for insights, and they have helped me out a lot and saved me from a lot of would-be pain. I really look up to these people, and to me, they are the epitome of a God-written love story.

They were married since early-2012, and just recently, news broke that the wife was finally pregnant, despite her condition that she may have trouble getting pregnant. I was so happy for them, and that I was witnessing the fruits of their obedience and faith in their story!

My friend and I were waiting while the couple were finishing their business meeting with the staff and clients, found out that my friend wanted to talk to them about the matters of the heart. (HUEHUEHUE).

I was happy to see the wife, and the fact that she had a long scarf covering most of her stomach, I was excited to congratulate her on the baby as soon as she finished her meeting.

THE MATTER OF THE HEART

Finally, the wife was adjourned from their meeting and that we could finally talk, while her husband was still busy finalizing details, and here I was asking her “Hey! How’s the baby?”

She tried to smile, but evidently on her face, I saw that she was hesitant. And then after a few seconds, she said in a calm, soft voice;

“The baby died.”

As she smiled softly and reassure us that everything will be okay.

Immediately, my mouth started to tremble and my eyes started to tear-up. My friend got up from her seat and hugged the wife, and I stood-up and hugged them both.

The husband got in and understood that we now know, as me and my friend were trying to hold back our tears.

A DIFFERENT THANKSGIVING

But what I saw, they both smiled and they both had this look that they were at peace. Later in the conversation, they mentioned how each of them went through hard times before and did not understood until much later in life they realized, “Kaya pala, God.”

The husband recalled how he was devastated in an almost-relationship when he found out that this certain girl said yes to another guy and not him. He could’ve wallowed forever in that brokenness, but he realized later on in life, “Kaya pala, God.” and then pointed to his wife, “I could’ve missed out, big-time.”

The wife also had a similar experience before, also an almost-relationship. She became very close to this man who was a pastor’s son, who was Chinese (the wife hails from an all-Chinese bloodline by the way), and very well-off. But then the man had to go away and she was very sad, she even said that she cried for months. “But then I am very thankful, had I not moved on, look at whom I would’ve missed-out on.” as she points to her husband.

“It was a miracle for us when I was welcomed into my wife’s family despite me being a Filipino while she was all-Chinese.”

“It was a miracle for us to have a baby despite my wife’s condition that she might not get pregnant.”

“God was there for us before, and we know that He is here for us now. We may not know now. But sometime in the future, we will have that kaya-pala-God moment again.”

And what the husband said next,

coming from a man who just lost his first child;

.

.

“Baby or no baby, Christ is enough.”

.

.

.

CHRIST IS ENOUGH

All of a sudden, I felt a sense of insignificance towards my problems in life, after witnessing this couple who has this kind of peace that just defies all human understanding.

It’s the kind of peace I never understood, but don’t need to.

Because after all, God is not asking me to know and understand everything, but what He is asking is for me to trust Him to the ends of the earth, even when it hurts.

God was there for me before; through the mountains, through the valleys, through the good times and the hard times, He alone has preserved my life.

He is enough.

“I am leaving you with a gift — peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn’t like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” – John 14:27 NLT

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